After seven (holy crap) years of living in Florida, I’ve learned to appreciate Hurricane Season for the bug-killing downpours and work delays it produces. Yes, it’s true that I haven’t personally experienced a bad hurricane since moving here. I did get the pleasure of enduring Tropical Storm Fay, who promptly parked her big behind right over our county and flooded it to bits for a week. At the time, I worked on the island and yeah, it was sort of impossible to get to – fun!
But anyway, when the list of 2013 Hurricane Names came out, I was STOKED to find that my name was at the top of the list! And not only that, but today, Tropical Storm Andrea is actually hitting Florida!
This is a pretty harmless storm right now, mainly bringing heavy rain and thunderstorms (basically a daily occurrence in Florida summer). It’s just been fun to get torrential rain and be teased about bringing bad weather today.
With the 2013 season kicking off early, it’s a wonder if this year I will finally experience a full-fledged Florida hurricane. But until then, I will sit back and enjoy my wrath.
This week I’m finally back in the swing of things after a seemingly marathon stint of parties, vacations, and dining excursions. Instead of back-tracking and essentially “punishing” myself, I’ve decided to just keep positively moving forward. My birthday is in two weeks and I’m nowhere near where I want to be. I have spent a lot of time over the last few months sort of stuck in self-loathing, which only leads to further emotional eating, weight gain and general misery.
There’s really no point in it. Over the last week or so, I’ve started working to accept myself for where I am at the moment. I’ve stopped focusing on the giant box of size 10 clothing in the closet that I haven’t fit in since 2011. It’s only further damaging my self-esteem to have that tower over me like a giant failure when I can’t get to it. So this past week, I had the opportunity to stay with my husband at a high-end resort and just vacation for a week. I went to Target and bought clothes that fit – regardless of their size. I even found a bathing suit that fit and made me feel comfortable. I felt good all week, guys. I was in the pool; I was happy; I was so much better just accepting me for me, rather than focusing on the tiny girls in skimpy bikinis (I admit I did a little; I’m not cured – yet).
It’s not even a week into my new 60-day fitness program and I am already fighting to stick through the hard points of my workouts and say no to every chocolate bar, energy drink and french fry within a 20-mile radius.
You see, I have a nasty little voice inside my head, who I’ve named Shamedrea, or “Sham” for short. Shamedrea is the manifestation of all of my nightmares, my fears, my stress, my enemies – she’s everything bad in my past, present and possible future; she’s really quite a terrible entity. And unfortunately for me, Shamedrea has me wrapped around her little bitchy finger. She has an uncanny ability to instill me with self-doubt, drag me down detrimental paths of self-loathing, depression, and, naturally, shame.